"Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary use words." - St. Francis of Assisi

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Late Night Musings

**Warning! This post may contain more honesty than you want to know**

My therapist told me one time that I had a strong tendency to make sure others were happy and content before I gave myself permission to be the same. In other words, I would settle for less for myself rather than have someone else be upset or uncontent in a situation. During the process of discovering and discussing all this, it was termed the "Messiah" syndrome by my doctor, or as my mother calls it, I am the "public defender for the world".

This tendency came back to mind today because of one of the most vivid dreams I have had in years. The details of the dream aren't important, but the underlying reasons for the dream became clearer to me over the past day. In the dream, I settled for things and situations I did not really want because I didn't want others to be "put out of their way".

As I reflected today on my last post which discussed "worthiness", I wonder why it is that for most of my life I didn't consider myself worthy enough to be content if there are those around me who have need. I will give and give to try and help others, even to the detriment of my own needs at times. One thing I do realize is that I deal with a lot of unreal unmet expectations of myself and at times that leads to the same unreal expectations I have of those around me. At least by recognizing this, hopefully, I am getting better about it. Well, to be honest, I'm not getting better. I still expect more out of other people than they can possibly live up to because I cannot even meet my own standards most of the time. And, then I am bothered because I am expected to be the "all things to all people" person which I have always attempted to be.

Thanks be to God because He has no expectations of me other than to love Him, live for Him and tell others about Him. It is so comforting when I come into His presence because I know that I can let go of (yet) another mask and be the one with a need for once. A need for comfort, a need for compassion, a need for advice, a need to speak with honesty, and a need for total acceptance as I really am. He has never let me down or asked more of me than I could give.

I do not have unreal unmet expectations of God and He does not have them of me. So, why do I have them of myself and of others around me? Don't know, but the adventure continues.....

Be God's,


At 7:25 PM, Blogger dotbar said...

Those things are hard to figure out. I am in the process of trying to make sense of it all myself. Even though I know the Bible is true, my own life experience just isn't matching up to my interpretation of it. I know God can't be wrong so it must be me. Now how to find a way to reconcile my reality with God's....that's the trick.

At 11:06 PM, Blogger VV said...

You identified the problem as "unmet expectation" both of yourself and of others. To expect much of yourself is noble. To expect not to fail is unreasonable. Failure in all its forms is the ONLY path to progress. More failure=More progress (as long as you have the context of the LORD and his undying faith in you)

As you stated about your peace in the presence of GOD it is thus true in the presence of men...you do not carry any burdens that you cannot bear. You will not be asked for more than you can give. You however may have "misplaced perspective" creating self imposed limitations.
All things to all people?
Some things to some people?
A few things to a few people?

This thirst to rise above your own expectations is the "fire in the belly" EMBRACE IT. Celebrate your standards for yourself. Stop fighting them and love them.

As for the application of these standards to others as you know Christ said "Why do you see the splinter in your brothers eye.."

Here's something to consider...perhaps it is time to seek out others who have the same expectations of themselves as you have of yourself and create a fellowship with them. This may lead to a real sharing.

Don't seek to quench that "fire" instead FAN THE FLAMES!

GOD is near always. You are ALWAYS in HIS presence. Don't seek his comfort for you are cloaked in it at all times.

At 10:48 AM, Blogger Alison said...

I came upon your blog while surfing for credits on BlogExplosion. The second I read your site description, I knew it was no accident that your site popped up today. Thanks for being you. Your words positively impacted me today.

At 10:48 AM, Blogger Alison said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Jimmy said...

Thanks folks for your kind words. I appreciate you reading my blog and responding. Hope to hear from you again.

At 10:19 PM, Blogger Vicki said...

Hi Jimmy!
Enjoyed your post. It's always a bit freeing to unmask ourselves and to remember that it is 'Christ in us, the hope of glory..'

I baffle my own self, yet I know that my focus needs to be on Him, and not me.

Thanks for sharing yourself so honestly. I've always appreciated that about you.

Be blessed,

At 6:13 PM, Blogger Phoenix said...

"My therapist told me one time that I had a strong tendency to make sure others were happy and content before I gave myself permission to be the same."
That is so me! All my life I put others interests before mine. I am trying to change, one step at a time. Me and My needs are slowly getting a place in my priority list.

At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Charlie Angel said...

Are you sure that God is talking to you, or is it just a voice in your head? What if God is just an excuse for crazy people to not take responsibility for their own lives?

What makes you think that God cares about you? If I were God, I know I would have more important things to do than worry about a punk like me.

If God is all-powerful and benevolent, why does He allow so many horrible things to happen?


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