“I’m not going back, I'm moving ahead, I'm here to declare
to You my past is over.
In You all things are made new. Surrendered my life to Christ, I'm moving,
moving forward.”
(Hezekiah Walker)
This is my new “go-to”
song. My life-song, so to speak. One comment that people have always made about
my writing is that I tend to be very transparent; very honest about what I’ve
gone through and where I am. So, today brings me to another transparent moment
that I need to share.
Contrary to what
you might think, I do not have life all together. I am not some super-spiritual
guy who knows what God wants and lives every day with a holy cloud following me
around with little birds singing hymns and praise songs around my head. When it
comes to things spiritual, I have many faults and failures. If God did not have
the grace that He does, Jimmy would have been lost long ago. Do I read my Bible
every day? Nope, and I am sorry to admit that, but it is true. I read it often,
but it isn’t necessarily every day and I am working on that. Do I tithe? Well,
yeah. That is a biggie with me, and I do tithe, however occasionally I get
behind and catch up rather begrudgingly. I could go on and on, but need to get
to the point of this tome.
My personal walk
with God has been suffering for a few years now. And it’s time to get back on
track. I allowed circumstances to dictate my faith-walk and relationship with
my God and I’m not a better person for it. Just a weary traveler and pilgrim.
There are days when I feel as if I have lost my way and other days when I have
not cared if it was lost or not. Here comes the part that is important to me
and to you.
For a period of
time, I was in a place that should have been one of love and acceptance; however,
it was a place where I was lied to and lied about. It should have been a place
of humility and guidance; however, it was a place of manipulation and ego. It
should have been a place where growth of skills and abilities was nurtured;
however, it was a place where mine were slowly squelched until there was no
place for them. Slowly, over a period of time, I allowed the joy of my
salvation to be taken away. And, on the inside, I cried and reached out to God,
but could not find Him because I had allowed circumstances to dampen my
communication and love for Him. And, then in time, I didn’t care any longer.
Over a period of
time, when I was no longer in this place, I began to feel some stirrings in my
heart and soul which I knew was God calling me back. I listened and took a few
steps. Then, more stirrings and a few more steps. Little by little, I began the
walk home. But, it was a hard journey
because there was so much heavy, heavy baggage that I continued to drag behind.
This baggage has continued to hold me back in various degrees in various
degrees. I have wanted to hurt as I was hurt and to cause the sleepless nights
that were given to me. Basically, I wanted revenge. Yeah, I know this is
against all things scriptural and Christian, but that’s what I felt that I
needed in order to be free.
No more. I must move
on and quit looking back. I have to continue growing in Christ and using my
gifts and talents for His glory as much and as often as I can…..wherever I can.
I must depend on my faith and not my feelings to live. I must not compare
myself to others, because I will be lacking. Christ is the one to whom I should
look for, not any other person. I am finding the joy of my salvation again, and
not let anyone or any circumstance steal my joy again. And it’s working. As
with Jacob of old, I have pitched my tent where it needs to be. I’m shaking the
dust off my feet. And I’m reading my Bible and for now, not books by a lot of
different people who have their own take and ideas about the scriptures. All I
need now is my Bible and God. He’ll tell me what it means and what I should do.
Now, for my
encouragement to you. Don’t make the mistakes I did. If you are in a situation,
a relationship or circumstances where you are not growing in Christ, where you
are not growing personally or spiritually, where you feel squelched and
unimportant to the whole, then get out. Find yourself a quiet place and
reconnect with God and ask for His guidance. Don’t lose your Joy!
Please pray for me
as I continue my journey (which, you may remember, began back at Lent), as I
will be praying for you who may read this.
And for today my
friends, this has been the gospel according to Jimmy.