"Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary use words." - St. Francis of Assisi

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I Didn't Want To Go To Church Today

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work in you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6 NLT)

I didn’t want to go to church this morning. Yeah, I’m probably the only one brave (or stupid) enough to actually admit it, but I know that there are others out there. Knowing that members of my church, and other churches where I’ve been are probably reading this, I hope this doesn’t destroy your image of the spiritual, holy, consecrated Jimmy. Sorry, but today I would have been much more interested in heading to IHOP or Denny’s with coffee and a good book.

The tough thing about being a musician or any other staff person for a church is that you have to be there at o’dark thirty in the morning on Sunday and be all smiley, happy clappy and spiritually “on.” Every. Single. Sunday. Plus, my fingers are old and don’t work so well at first light. Much less the hand-eye-finger coordination needed to play keyboard while it’s still dark outside and the woodland creatures are just beginning to stir. Get the drift? Fifty weeks out of the year, it’s no problem and I’m up, playing and worshiping with all sincerity and genuine closeness to God. Today. Not. So. Much.

It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to worship and be with fellow believers, that’s truthfully the highlight of my week. I can’t put a finger on it; I just didn’t care about going today. The problem I have with myfeeling and sharing this goes back to the fact that I worry about you judging me. I see so many posts on Facebook and other mediums that indicate that you are so happy in the Lord 24/7/365, quoting your verses and sharing your daily devotion writers, giving the impression that your life is so wonderful….well, that just makes me feel cruddy when a day like today comes and I just don’t want to go. Because you always want to go to church and can’t understand why people like memight not want to go on any given Sunday. I worry about this because I never see the human side of you. I would like to not care, but I do.

However, I finally did have church. About 12 noon. In my car on the way home. Just me and Jesus. And it was good. I reflected on our services and recalled the five new members of our faith family that were baptized. The stirring music, the inspiring and on-point message, the friendliness of the fellowship, praying for a team heading to Zimbabwe this week for Kingdom work. I heard about several community ministries going on in the area. It was a good morning….just not (for me) until noon.

What am I learning from this day in my faith journey? For one thing, that church can happen in a small congregation of twenty people, in a large congregation of a thousand or driving alone in your car as you fly down Hwy. 138 steering with one hand as you raise the other one in praise (along with your Dr. Pepper). Plus, God doesn’t really care about me not wanting to go this one morning, as long as I acknowledge his Presence in my life and do the best I can with what I have been given. And, as long as I don’t forsake the community of believers all together. Finally, from a personal standpoint, may I never write (or post) anything that causes someone else to feel inadequate about their walk with God. May I always be transparent, especially if it causes you to think seriously about how your journey is going. And to encourage you a little.

And for today my friends, this has been the gospel according to Jimmy.


At 10:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, you are pretty bold in my book for your honesty. I have totally been there. Working on staff does, sometimes, drain the spirits. Perhaps, the building itself just becomes another workplace, rather than the sanctuary you become accustomed to as a "regular" worshiper. As a Christian blogger, myself, I don't think I have the guts to come clean like you. I am a woman, and I think we women hold each other to a higher standard, in that respect. This shouldn't be so, but it is. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your blog. It's very well written, and I wasn't surprised to find that you are a professional writer. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll be praying for you next Sunday:)

At 1:26 PM, Blogger scatterbrained said...

I am grateful for your honesty. I, too have experienced that "just not wanting to be there". It is in those moments when I realize that Jesus and I need some uninterrupted alone time.

I am so enjoying your blog.

At 10:49 AM, Blogger grace said...

thank you for this post, it helped me a lot

At 8:04 AM, Blogger scatterbrained said...

I was going through my emails, when I came across my earlier response to you and God put it on my heart to write you again.

I gave my heart to Jesus when my husband left me 20 years ago. I never would have imagined organizing a women's ministry program but that is where God placed me. I enjoyed our weekly time of getting together, being encouraged, being held accountable, just being with my sisters in Christ. Being the only single, it was easy for them to call on me for prayer, etc as my time was more available. After 5 years, God disbanded the group and gave me a season of rest. During my season of rest, God showed me how I had given my intimacy for Him over to intimacy with my sisters. Although I was in the Word, I had not realized I was sharing more with my sisters than with my Lord, that I was more eager for my time with them than with Him. Glad God got my attention!

Praying for you!


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