"Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary use words." - St. Francis of Assisi

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Lent - Day 6 Monday March 14

”I will give thanks to YOU, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

I used a lot of my day on Sunday to take stock. Not a bad thing, all in all. After a God-inspired sermon on the ‘less than favorable’ persons in the lineage of Jesus (Tamar – a ‘loose woman’ who seduced her father-in law, and Rahab – a Gentile prostitute) I got to thinking about what Pastor Marcus had said. If these type of people are a part of Jesus’ family (and I certainly have some bizzaro-world people in my family), then why would I ever doubt God accepting me? Also, I had the chance again to use a gift of keyboard music that God gave to me for worship enhancing, was truly marvelous. Somedays, the only places I can feel God’s presence is at keyboards; acoustic piano, electric piano and computer.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had some problems with self-esteem. I tend to let people intimidate me (usually unintentionally on their part). Their position in the church, as community leaders, their appearance and their intelligence. They may be influential people in my life who I do look to as mentors and encouragers. But still, intimidation. I have a problem to stand up to them when necessary, allow them (at times) to run over me, and after a period of time, I don’t feel it worth the effort, and sometimes….I just don’t care. But, at times, I have allowed them to crush my spirit. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.

However, in recent years, I have begun to get over this. One big reason is for the simple fact that - I. Am. Over. Fifty. I truly don’t care what you might think of me. I’m discovering the joy and delight of making it to that milestone and the freedom to live my life as I want. (Think Tawanda in “Fried Green Tomatoes” in the grocery parking lot.) If I want to sing showtunes in the middle of Kroger with friends, along with an impromptu dance, then so be it. I don’t care. And yes, that’s been done. The other thing is that I can look back at so many experiences where God has led me, encouraged me, taught me, chastened me, but, always always been by my side.

One of my hopes for these next few weeks of examining myself and searching for a closer walk with God is to realize that God made me. Jimmy. James. James Douglas DeHart Cochran. From the Price and Herr lineage of Lancaster County, PA. He made me just as he wanted me and no one has the right to make me feel less than a child of God. To make me feel like a Tamar or Rahab in the family tree.

Do you struggle with this? As the Psalm says, we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” God had breathed life and His spirit into me when we were first conceived. First Conceived. Join with me and claim this scripture and stand as a child of God. Quirky. Odd. Funny. Serious. Sinful. Nerdy. Whatever. Just always let His light shine through you. We are family. Unconditionally accepted.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.


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